As you may or may not have noticed the lovely kjwrit contributed a LOT to this calendar and we couldn’t be more thankful. So in a quick scramble that I’ve now come to associate with this Advent extravaganza it was only fitting to gift kjwrit with something of her own. I looked, I really did look for a six foot four Swede who cares way too much about Hammerby soccer games and occasionally dabbled in drag but in the end I only ended up with a bunch of gay bears, again. Which brings us to the theme of this tiny microfic with a touch of crack… nutcracks that is…
This tiny slip comes with a bit of a backstory and I shall try to keep it brief for fear it will be longer than the microfic. I enjoyed the ending of kjwrit’s gift story “The Wish” so much that I promised kjwrit I’d try to make the picture as described in her fic a reality. So off I went to Google image search for the necessary stock photography and well, in the name of Jason’s excellent adventure I had one of my own… read the extract below from my email to kjwrit below and you will understand.
Admittedly I’m not the best photoshopper, but I managed to make something that could pass… I think… I live to tell the tale but only barely… Googling pictures of Andy Bellefleur in combinations that started tame; wife beater, undressed, chest only became all the more disturbing when it reluctantly went to nude and naked since that thick neck of his couldn’t accommodate the wife beater from the story and I somehow ended up on a gay bear fan site… then it got more disturbing as I tumbled into a Jason/Andy slash thing… so this year for Christmas I’m asking Santa for a tub of bleach to drown myself in…
Please note this little fic is a bit of an extra thing we slipped in last minute so there will be one more final post for the calendar later today.
Day 24: A Teeny Tiny Gift for kjwrit from hisviks
Kjwrit’s Squirrely Girl has an excellent adventure of her own and cracks a nut or two with a happy interspecies ending for a set of familiar faces.
Unbetad so excuse the messes, msbuffy deserves herself some time off too.
A gift for kjwrit from hisviks (and the rest of the Directory)
Once upon a time there were three gay bears who lived in a house in the forest. There was a great big hairy bear, a middle-sized bear wearing the eternal expression of constipation and a tiny golden bear.
One morning, their breakfast nuts were far too hot to eat, so instead they decided to go for a walk in the forest. While they were out, a little girl called Squirrely Girl came through the trees and found their house. She knocked on the door and, receiving no answer, pushed it open and went inside.
In front of her was a table with three chairs, one large chair, one middle-sized chair and one small chair. On the table were three bowls of hot nuts, one large bowl, one middle-sized bowl and one small bowl.
Squirrely Girl was hungry and the nuts looked good, so she sat in the great big chair and started munching away. The chair was very big and very hard and stank of wet dog.
Squirrely Girl jumped off quickly and went over to the middle-sized chair. But this chair was far too soft. She peered into the bowl and wasn’t even surprised to find the nuts were shrivelled up and dry, in among them she spotted a few dark hairs and prayed to God that they were bangs… She moved over to the little chair, found it surprisingly comfy and picked up the tiny bowl.
This time the nuts were neither too hot nor too cold, they were just right. She quickly noted the brand of Skarsnuts before she ate it all up, she’d definitely be buying those again. But she was too heavy for the little chair and it broke in pieces under her weight.
A little embarrassed by her ever expanding bottom, Squirrely Girl moved upstairs, finding three beds. There was a great big bed, a middle-sized bed and a tiny little bed. She briefly remembered the salty goodness that were Skarsnuts before emitting a tired yawn.
Thinking bigger was always better she climbed into the biggest bed, again finding it very hard and far too big. Then she tried the middle-sized bed, but it was far too soft, she could barely scramble herself out of its hold, Squirrely Girl swore she heard it scream “MIHNE!” and gave the bed a good kick, collapsing it in on itself. In the end she climbed into the tiny little bed. It was neither too hard nor too soft. In fact, it felt just right, all cosy and warm. With lingering thoughts of Skarsnuts and the pretty man on the package, Squirrely Girl was soon fast asleep.
The three gay bears returned back from their walk in the forest, finding their front door standing slightly ajar. The big hairy bear stormed in, growling only to be distracted by a fly and forgetting what he was growling about.
“Somebohdy has been sitting in mah chair!” the constipated one complained. The two other gay bears ignored him, not quite sure anyhow why they tolerated him or why they lived with him at all. He clearly was the exception to the rhetorical question, ‘Does a bear shit in the woods?’
“Somebody has been sitting in my chair,” the tiny golden bear noted after a good whiff. It smelled of sunshine and honey and other things all bears liked. He couldn’t even care that someone had broken the expensive antique when it smelt this good.
The big hairy bear looked at his bowl of nuts and growled accusingly, “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN EATING MY GREAT BIG OVERSIZED NUTS!”
The constipated bear immediately went to inspect his own bowl, finding it untouched, “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN EATING MAH NUTS!”
The big hairy bear came to take a closer look, and scoffed, “Liar, no one’s interested in your shrivelled up nuts. Are those hairs?”
“It’s fibre,” the constipated one hissed.
“Right,” the hairy one replied with a roll of his eyes.
“Somebody certainly has suckled up all my nuts,” the golden bear grinned, showing off his empty bowl with manly pride causing the other two to deflate.
Following the trail of nut shells the three gay bears moved upstairs. Again the big hairy bear growled, mostly because he seemed incapable of anything else, but in this instance for the sight of his messed up bed. He’d spent the better half of the morning getting those thousand thread count Egyptian cotton sheets just right.
“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED!”
The constipated bear voiced a similar complaint in an accent no one had yet to make out or comprehend. As ever, they ignored him while he tried to put the broken bed back together again.
The golden bear looked at his bed, finding the source of that delicious scent and with a waggle of his brows leered, “Somebody is sleeping in my bed!”
“What now?” Eric complained, moving the bear mask away from his face while the ‘director’ fell into another rant about artistry and intention.
“Why am I the tiny bear again? Clearly I’m not tiny!” Eric complained, gesturing at his crotch as if Sookie had somehow forgot, ignoring the temper tantrum taking place below.
“Because,” Sookie huffed, gesturing wildly with her arms pointing out the obvious that was clearly visible only to her.
“Because?” he indulged with a grin, she was far too cute in her Squirrely Girl costume to really stay mad at her at all. The mere sight of it and mention of a bed had been the thing that made him agree to partake in Lafayette’s ridiculous play in the first place.
“Because,” she whispered barely meeting his eyes, “I’m clearly in the tiny bear’s bed.”
“Is that so?”
She hummed in reply, pulling the covers back in an invite for him to join her.
“And what does that make me?” he goaded, easily slipping in beside her.
“It makes you,” she smiled, “It makes you just right.”
*A SPECIAL THANKS TO KJWRIT, AGAIN AND AGAIN, FOR EVERYTHING SHE’S DONE FOR US ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER CONTRIBUTING WRITERS. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT!
AS A WARNING, ANYONE WHO’S EVER MADE A BANNER KNOWS YOU NEED TO TRY SOME BIZARRE WORDINGS TO GET THE PICTURE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR BUT YOU ALSO KNOW NOT TO CLICK ON THROUGH. I WAS FOOLISH AND DID SO ANYWAY, BUT IN THE END IT PRODUCED THIS ABSURDITY SO I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT!
STAY TUNED FOR OUR FINAL POST LATER TODAY!
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