We’re back with another Fangbangers Anonymous Advent Calendar!

Steve Newlin
On the great success of last year’s calendar we couldn’t help but curate another one! So dust off those horrible Christmas sweaters once more and get yourself toast and warm in anticipation of our daily treats.  We’ve got a whole new set of writers lined up to delight you so be sure to check in with us daily. Click below for our first treat, courtesy of Pam.

advent-1

Day 1: The Last Minute Scramble

 

true-blood-pam

 

There was something that Telepath mentioned… now what was it… of course that memory vault of mine is quite impressive but it’s not as if I just remember anything willy nilly. Especially when it’s connected to that Telepath.

“Ginger!”

Wait that was it, a fucking dessert. One from the home country at that,  Little Miss Homemaker, –oh for Satan, how far my Maker has fallen- would like an international feast of desserts at her table. As if I remember what monstrosities we ate. Well I do, of course, the vault, after all. Wonder if she’d like a pineapple, preferably shoved up where even the sun would shine out of Sookie if my Maker is to be believed.

What to bring, what to bring?

“Not you, Ginger!”

Sigh, if only I could glamour her one more time. Eric’s right though, she’ll go from Swiss Cheese to fondue. Wonder if Sookie will accept that as a typically English dessert? We’re quirky after all… why is Ginger still staring at me?

“Shoo!”

Christmas Pudding, perhaps? Although you had to set it to flames with alcohol to make it semi digestible. Makes for a better improvised flaming cannonball than dessert if you ask me. It would be rude to burn someone tonight, wouldn’t it? Fun though. No, the telepath would be upset and then Eric would be upset and then my credit cards would be upset. There is no word to describe how upset that would make me.

Understatement of the year.

What to do, what to do? Can’t I just chuck in a lot of shit in a bowl and call it artisan? Wait I can!

“Ginger! Bring me that fuck ugly crystal jar!”

 

Russell kisses Talbot's remains in a jar

 

‘Traditional English’ Trifle a la Pam

  1.  Dump out remnants of Talbot.
  2.  Make Ginger clean it.
  3. Send Ginger to that place wherever they sell food.
  4. Have a mani-pedi while you wait
  5. Look disdainfully at Ginger’s offerings, shrug and take a hatchet to it.
  6. Layer it up in some sort of fashion.
  7. Wash hands profusely. Actually take a shower.
  8. Watch with amusement as Southern Hospitality dictates that pesky Telepath pretends to actually enjoy that shit. Disappointingly the idiot brother seems all too eager to lick it clean.

Hope you enjoyed Pam’s version 😉 but in case you’re short a Ginger, how about the following recipe courtesy of Mary Berry (Pam and her are old pals) for a far more palatable and impressive version this holiday season.

 

Mary Berry’s tipsy trifle

 

Ingredients

For the Swiss roll

For the filling

For the custard

To decorate

Recipe source.

banend-2

We hope you enjoyed our first installment! Any guesses on our writing participants yet? Let us know in the comment section below!

Can’t wait for tomorrow? Have a nose around last year’s Advent Calendar in case you missed it!

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17 thoughts on “We’re back with another Fangbangers Anonymous Advent Calendar!

  1. msbuffy says:

    Oh my! That looks delicious, but the recipe looks difficult and like one that I’d most definitely screw up! I’m the worst baker in the world, can’t even make boxed brownies! If you want something cooked, then I’m the one to call. Something baked? Even the rolled out, pre-decorated cookies hide from me in the grocery store aisles… Still, I love & appreciate the efforts of those who bake and make all kinds of goodies, especially at this time of year! What a nice way to start off the Advent Calendar series, with something so yummy to get all of us in the mood! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • hisviks says:

      You can make that with store bought things, I think most people actually do. Just slosh a bit of booze or syrup on cake, add some fruit and ready made custard and add some whipped cream. Easy peasy, even Pam can do it. You just need a really nice crystal jar to put it in 😁.

      Liked by 3 people

      • msbuffy says:

        Oh, I’d still manage to screw it up in some way and it would probably come out looking like soup! I do have a lovely crystal bowl though; I could just place straws around the rim, then we could all join in! LOL! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. ladytarara says:

    Talbot? Mwahahahaha! That’s just… Well, hilarious and gross. And as Pam serves it to Sookie I could just imagine her scrunching up her petite little nose at the mess. You know Pam could even recycle the original glass jar and slosh the whole lot back in there as a delightful serving bowl. I mean it’s not like Sookie will remember anyway as she hardly has access to such a fantabulous vault. And that way Pam gets to recycle (which she loves cos she is all about saving the Earth) and conserve energy (her own). You know on second thoughts better add some more alcohol to kill all the germs – she wouldn’t want Sookie to come down with a nasty case of Talbotitis, though I’m sure he makes a lovely jam, and even though Christms is about giving, Eric maybe be little pissed if his precious Sookie comes down with anything hideous like germs. So what if she gets a little tipsy? Eric will never notice the difference and maybe she’ll loosen up a bit and be less of a pain in Pam’s ass. Might have to get Jason a muzzle though to keep him from slurping all that delicious Talboty goodness for himself.

    Liked by 2 people

      • msbuffy says:

        She’s a fairy and, for some inexplicable reason, fairies with the essential spark who have demon blood flowing through them do not EVER catch colds, common viruses, ear infections, pink eye, chicken pox (that would have been before the vaccine), or any of those nasty, gross kid germs that I’m sure Jason would have brought home! Nope, Jason would have had that same demon blood, but no spark, so that must be it! The gift that just keeps on giving…

        Like

  3. jules3677 says:

    So essence of Talbot for dessert!!! He must have been ‘delightfully tasteful’ as he sure lasts a long long time 🙂 🙂 Can imagine the perfect southern hostess suffering through with a smile and a vacant Jason sitting right beside her. 🙂 Well done!!! Loved it. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. valady1 says:

    The picture of the dessert is gorgeous..not sure I’m brave enough to tackle making it, but it is inspiring..laughed all the way through Pam’s part..wonderful humor laced with sarcasm. Perfect gift for the person who has everything.

    Like

  5. kinnik7104 says:

    Reblogged this on kinnik's Funhouse and commented:
    Hello my friends,
    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!! The FangBangers Anonymous Advent Calendar has begun for 2016! It’s wonderful that this looks like it will become a new tradition (how lucky are we!).
    Yes, I know today is December 5th and you’ll want to start at Day 1 (if you haven’t already), but you can get there from here!
    Thanks to hisviks and everyone who works on the FBA site for putting this together again this year!!

    Like

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