On the great success of last year’s calendar we couldn’t help but curate another one! So dust off those horrible Christmas sweaters once more and get yourself toast and warm in anticipation of our daily treats. We’ve got a whole new set of writers lined up to delight you so be sure to check in with us daily. Click below for our first treat, courtesy of Pam.
Day 1: The Last Minute Scramble
There was something that Telepath mentioned… now what was it… of course that memory vault of mine is quite impressive but it’s not as if I just remember anything willy nilly. Especially when it’s connected to that Telepath.
Wait that was it, a fucking dessert. One from the home country at that, Little Miss Homemaker, –oh for Satan, how far my Maker has fallen- would like an international feast of desserts at her table. As if I remember what monstrosities we ate. Well I do, of course, the vault, after all. Wonder if she’d like a pineapple, preferably shoved up where even the sun would shine out of Sookie if my Maker is to be believed.
What to bring, what to bring?
“Not you, Ginger!”
Sigh, if only I could glamour her one more time. Eric’s right though, she’ll go from Swiss Cheese to fondue. Wonder if Sookie will accept that as a typically English dessert? We’re quirky after all… why is Ginger still staring at me?
Christmas Pudding, perhaps? Although you had to set it to flames with alcohol to make it semi digestible. Makes for a better improvised flaming cannonball than dessert if you ask me. It would be rude to burn someone tonight, wouldn’t it? Fun though. No, the telepath would be upset and then Eric would be upset and then my credit cards would be upset. There is no word to describe how upset that would make me.
Understatement of the year.
What to do, what to do? Can’t I just chuck in a lot of shit in a bowl and call it artisan? Wait I can!
“Ginger! Bring me that fuck ugly crystal jar!”
‘Traditional English’ Trifle a la Pam
- Dump out remnants of Talbot.
- Make Ginger clean it.
- Send Ginger to that place wherever they sell food.
- Have a mani-pedi while you wait
- Look disdainfully at Ginger’s offerings, shrug and take a hatchet to it.
- Layer it up in some sort of fashion.
- Wash hands profusely. Actually take a shower.
- Watch with amusement as Southern Hospitality dictates that pesky Telepath pretends to actually enjoy that shit. Disappointingly the idiot brother seems all too eager to lick it clean.
Hope you enjoyed Pam’s version 😉 but in case you’re short a Ginger, how about the following recipe courtesy of Mary Berry (Pam and her are old pals) for a far more palatable and impressive version this holiday season.
Mary Berry’s tipsy trifle
For the Swiss roll
- 4 large free-range eggs
- 100g/3½oz caster sugar, plus extra for dusting
- 100g/3½oz self-raising flour
- 175g/6oz strawberry jam or conserve
For the filling
- 20 ratafia biscuits
- 1 x 800g/1lb 12oz tin pear halves in natural juice
- 250ml/9fl oz medium dry sherry
For the custard
- 3 large free-range eggs, yolks only
- 50g/1¾oz caster sugar
- 50g/1¾oz cornflour
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 600ml/1 pint whole milk
- 300ml/10½fl oz single cream
We hope you enjoyed our first installment! Any guesses on our writing participants yet? Let us know in the comment section below!
Can’t wait for tomorrow? Have a nose around last year’s Advent Calendar in case you missed it!