DAY 7: A Log in Your Pants

advent-7

Like we could ever get enough of innuendo?

 

Day 7: A Log in Your Pants

 

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I do not remember this being so hard, this simple basic skill. Eric glanced up at me from his crouched position, unspoken he had understood, as he always could.

 

With a shrug he offered, “Just buy it from the store, Sookie will not mind.”

 

“But I mind!” I stressed, perhaps a little too hard. My fangs had come out, when did that happen without intent?

 

My eyes fell back to the disaster before me, mourning the charred loss. There was no way this situation could be salvaged. My Childe’s large pale hands interrupted the scene of black and without further ado tossed the sad attempt at what was to be a traditional dessert from my homelands in the trash, his hands sizzling somewhat from the heat of the baking tray, as always pretending such things had no impact on him. I knew better of course, what he hid in the depths of that body cloistered away from everyone, the tiniest thing that could sting and wound.

 

“How hard is it going to be to find this log, really?”

 

“A Bûche de Noël,” I corrected but Eric was already ignoring me, relegating Pamela to the task on that little device of his. I refocused on the piece of paper once more, recounting the ingredients, only now noticing something had gone missing. Yes, the amounts did not add up! I pulled at the apron strings surrounding my waist once more, tightening them further, ignoring the loud shrieking of my hysterical Grandchilde who appeared to be suffering a dessert related crisis of her own.

 

“A fucking log?! Check your pants,” she replied briskly. “Last time I checked it was still there, but you never know with that Telepath. The balls have been missing for years!”

 

I stifled a chortle but Eric had caught it nonetheless, his furious glare moving from the disengaged device to me, my smile could only grow bigger and it seemed to disarm him just as effectively. The Telepath had indeed done much for my Eric, much as he liked to pretend she didn’t. I suppose in that, she had done much for me. And for that I was determined to get this just right.

 

“Pass me the flour,” I requested and with no further protestations and a mutual contented silence Eric assisted me. The flour sifted gently into the bowl from on high resembling the fall of fresh snow. We both gazed on in curious wonder at this strange form of alchemy, the unusual smells, the vanilla and chocolate fragrancing the functional kitchen that otherwise never saw any warmth. I finally began to understand the joy humans found in this activity as I started with a clean slate, the previous disaster forgotten.

 

This time it would be right.

 

1-bouche-de-noel

Of course Godric managed to perfect his Bûche de Noël, if you’d like to have a go yourself at this traditional French pastry for Christmas time why not try the recipe below.

­

Bûche De Noël

A little oil in this bûche de noel recipe helps keep it pliable even when cool—perfect for rolling the Yule Log shape.

Ingredients

MAKES 1 CAKE

  • Nonstick vegetable oil spray
  • ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder, plus more for dusting
  • Powdered sugar (for dusting)
  • ¼ cup all-purpose flour
  • 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
  • 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 6 large eggs, room temperature, separated
  • ½ tsp kosher salt
  • ⅔ cup plus 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar
  • 2 tablespoons Cognac, dark rum, or brandy
  • Lightly sweetened whipped cream or Chestnut Mousse
  • Chocolate buttercream(optional)
  • Meringue mushrooms(optional)
 ◊

Preparation

◊ 

Preheat oven to 375°. Coat an 18×13″ rimmed baking sheet with nonstick spray. Line with parchment paper and lightly coat parchment. Place a large kitchen towel (it should be larger than baking sheet) on a flat surface. Whisk equal parts cocoa and powdered sugar in a small bowl and dust towel with cocoa mixture with a fine-mesh sieve.

Sift flour and ¼ cup cocoa powder into a small bowl. Heat chocolate, oil, and vanilla in a medium microwave-safe bowl in 15-second intervals, stirring occasionally, until melted. Let cool slightly.

Using an electric mixer on medium-high speed, beat egg whites and salt in a large bowl until foamy. With motor running, gradually add ⅓ cup granulated sugar and beat until stiff, glossy peaks form.

Using clean beaters, beat egg yolks and ⅓ cup granulated sugar in another large bowl until pale and thick, about 4 minutes. Beat in chocolate mixture until no streaks remain, then use a large spatula to fold in meringue, leaving some streaks. Fold in dry ingredients just to combine—be careful not to overmix.

Scrape batter into prepared baking sheet; smooth top (you want to have an even layer). Bake until top of cake is dry and springs back when gently pressed and edges are starting to pull away from sides of baking sheet, 10−12 minutes; let cool slightly.

Run a knife along the edge of baking sheet to loosen and invert cake onto prepared towel. Peel away parchment and roll cake into a log inside towel. Transfer, seam side down, to a wire rack and let sit until just barely warm, about 20 minutes.

Shake remaining 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar and 2 Tbsp. hot water in a jar until sugar is dissolved, about 1 minute. Stir in Cognac. Unroll cake and brush top with syrup.

For Level 1

Spread whipped cream over top of cake, leaving a 1″ border. Roll up cake and place, seam side down, on a platter. Chill until cold, at least 30 minutes.

Dust with powdered sugar and cut into 1″ slices just before serving.

For Level 2

Instead of whipped cream, spread Chestnut Mousse over top of cake, leaving a 1″ border. Roll up cake and place, seam side down, on a platter. Chill until mousse is set, at least 3 hours.

Dust with powdered sugar and cut into 1″ slices just before serving.

Do ahead: Roll can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and keep chilled.

For Level 3

Follow instructions for level 2, but do not dust cake with powdered sugar and slice. Instead, using a serrated knife, trim ½” of cake from both ends. Working from one end, gently slice off a 2″ piece of cake, cutting at a 45° angle. Cut another 2″ piece from same end, this time cutting perpendicular to roll to create a squared off end. Dab 1 Tbsp. buttercream on angled sides of each 2″ piece of roll and stick to cake to form branches, positioning 1 on top and 1 on the side. Using and offset spatula or butter knife, spread chocolate buttercream over entire outside of roll, leaving cut ends exposed to reveal spiral). Use spatula to create textured lines in buttercream to look like tree bark.

Dust with powdered sugar and decorate with meringue mushrooms just before serving.

Do ahead: Buche de Noel (without powdered sugar and mushrooms) can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.

Recipe by Claire Saffitz
Photograph by Alex Lau

 

 

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Recipe Source

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18 thoughts on “DAY 7: A Log in Your Pants

  1. mom2goalies says:

    Loved the story but think I’ll pass on trying to follow the recipe! Not into complicated baking or cooking. Looks yummy though, might check it out at a bakery.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. redjane12 says:

    This post has it all! Christmas recipes! Godric’s alive! Surrounded by his vampy family! Eric’s manhood being questioned by Pammy!!! It ended too soon as I’d have loved to see Sookie’s reaction to the Buche… esp. if Pammy had orchestrated for “the making of” to be made into a film…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ladytarara says:

    Wow that looks hard! *snigger* All I want to know is how Eric will get that into his pants to give it to Sookie without it all falling apart into a hideous mess? You did mean that kind of log, right? And are you sure it’s big enough? I mean, you want it to be bigger than the actual log in his pants, yes? Hmm maybe if they make it a scale model, you know, making the cake the actual size of a tree log, perhaps that would be enough to cover it… Maybe. Well this is Eric we’re talking about and in at least half the FF I’ve read the GP is at least the size of a tree trunk or three.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hisviks says:

      I think Eric would find himself very dissapointed that she prefers the chocolate log to him and happily scoff it down in one go, leaving her with no inclination for any other (bedroom) activities 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • ladytarara says:

        Oh but she’d be a happy Sookie, sated on chocolate! Surely that’s what counts! And there could be something in it for Eric too, especially if she licks up those leftover crumbs!

        Like

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